Our outsides reflect our insides, you know. Pain and anger, selfishness and evil bubble and churn beneath the surface until they reach full boil, scalding everyone within arms length. We leave remnants of our outbursts strewn about, the physical scars and relational disintegration undeniable. Smoldering buildings dwindle to shadowed structures against the twilight.
Every ounce of concentration focused on gracefully swinging her leg over the back of the bike, she hopes she looks good. She's never been on one before, a motorcycle. Her Mom would clutch her pearls at the sight. Becoming sturdy in her seat, she flips her long blond hair over her shoulder and slides the helmet into place, as if she's done this very thing a million times before. If only her insides were as composed as the her poker face. She's practically nauseous from the excitement and nerves. He's got blue eyes to die for and a mischievous grin that makes her wonder what he's thinking. The relationship lasts about as long as the ride...
My Dad's got this saying that he pulls out when he wants to call somebody a "know-it-all" without actually saying as much. "She's sure gotta lot of answers right now," he'll comment with a shake of the head. I grin on the inside thinking about it. I know for fact he's said that about me at some point or another. The thing is, I don't think any of us actually realize when we're being "know-it-alls" until after the fact. So, in recognition that I am first person in the guilty-as-charged line, this week, I present:
How to know when you've "gotta lot of answers".
Do you ever forget to breath? It's impossible to forget altogether, but I know for certain that I don't inhale lavishly, not nearly as wide and deep as my body might like. Once in a while, I'll catch myself in an attempt to stretch and fill, only to find some days that my lungs protest the expansion. Over time, the shoulders hunch and headaches ensue. Stress. It's like I've been fitted with a 20lb. lead vest that tightens with every problem I'm unable to fix and each task left undone.
"If you don't love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve. I didn't love God because I didn't know God." Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
Night creeps silently in and scoops us into it's arms as the air becomes crisp. I grin quietly into the dark as two fuzzy-headed little boys nestle closely to my sides to warm themselves. It isn't often that I find them so still. I bend my nose to their heads and take in the sweet remnants of play on their skin. Little is spoken, so I revel instead at the beauty of the sunset which draws us near in the back seat of our truck. Jasmine bids its goodnight as it dances through the air. A love like that, a heart just swells and grows; could just explode out of the chest. All seems right in the world.
"I didn't love God because I didn't know God," he says. Do any of us really?
M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. Earns Crossfit participation trophies. Disaster cook. Enthusiastic wife. #Boymom. Clutches her faith, not her pearls.