Do you want to know the secret to divorce-proofing your marriage? Me too.
We don't have to search far to discover thousands of couples who struggle with the disillusion of a not-so-new-anymore love. Maybe you know them...perhaps even two of those faces looked back at you from the mirror this morning.
Again, me too at points throughout the years.
If you've been wondering about what to do with your stalled relationship, know that you're not alone. Sometimes couples suffer in silence, but it doesn't mean that tough patches aren't common.
Take for instance these couples' admissions. When marriage therapist and author, Laura Taggart, asked them, "What are the biggest surprises and challenges about marriage?," this is what they had to say:
"How the little stuff can become big stuff so quickly."
"How quickly the 'young love' turns into the 'old couple.' I feel like we have to schedule sex just to make it happen, while we used to be so spontaneous and romantic."
"I didn't imagine how compromising would be as hard as it can be sometimes."
"How much the daily grind chips away at romance."
You can probably relate, so what should we do about it?
Join Laura and me for our discussion on "How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage."
I’d rather scrub toilets than put laundry away.
Seriously. You pair those little socks together and fold the jeans just right. Then one of your angels pulls out a pair from the bottom of the pile.
You know how everything crashes over like a Jenga tower? That’s why organizing laundry seems pointless, like neatly arranging a pile of leaves for a thunderstorm.
He likes fresh towels. She likes mopped floors. How often? They argue about it.
When it comes to marriage, fighting over chores is more common than any of us care to admit.
Women say they’d rather “do it their way,” but quietly seethe, afraid to ask for help. Nobody wants to be called “a nag."
Side-by-side, my husband and I flick through the TV menu until we can agree on a show. Sure, Designated Survivor. Why not? We're tired, not picky. We sink deep beneath our fuzzy blankets, oblivious to any world events happening while entertaining family over the weekend. A naive privilege.
As a main character, Emily Rhodes, struggles with her relationship with her father, a White House co-worker suggests that she prioritize family over work...
"The world will always be on fire," he tells her. "Go."
It's more than a week later, and the painful admissions of women around the world linger with me. You, who come to find rest and inspiration in this little corner of the internet, are my heartbeat. So this week, I'm reminding you of some resources, just in case you're still nursing bruises in the wake of #MeToo. The discussion has dwindled, and the chatter has begun to die. Even so, you're not forgotten.
Click on the pictures below for a new article, "Why Men Must Speak Up About Sexual Assault" and also, for "How to Spot Emotional Abuse" and Three Ways to Help."
Don't forget to visit a few of the writers who've shared their work at the #GritUp Collective below!
With you and for you,
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;
For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;
And for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
~ Audrey Hepburn ~
We say the wrong thing and stutter.
We say the right thing, but it’s not well received.
We get stuck without a response and freeze.
Our intentions are misunderstood.
And then it happens. Defensiveness moves in like a crouching tiger, ready for the kill.
It's August already. How did that happen? Time flies as the beach beckons, complete with an oversized umbrella and a glass of sweet tea. Many of us have been on the wedding circuit these past few months. Rather than traveling the Tour de Nuptiale, perhaps you've celebrated an anniversary recently. Summertime brings more than its share of opportunities to examine our own relationships as we lend our support to others'.
Last week we discussed the struggle and biblical significance of separation and divorce. I received feedback from you in response - from questions, to gratitude for “going there.”
A friend's comment stayed with me throughout the week. “Oh good,” she'd said. “I’m glad you’re talking about that because I never know what to say when somebody tells me they’re having problems.”
It’s a common struggle, and none of us enjoy foot-in-the-mouth moments. So here are seven easy, helpful (and fairly safe) things to say or do as a friend or family member confronts divorce.
“We never say the ‘D’ word in our house,” the older woman informs me with pride. “We both know it’s not an option so we make it work. We’ve been married over thirty years now.”
As I listen, I’m obviously happy for her. I also wonder if she and her husband are “good fighters.” Does one partner always get his or her way? Does the other concede and stay secretly resentful? My therapist mind kicks into action, but I decide it’s none of my business to ask…maybe another time.
My hands are ripped, there’s chalk smudged across my midsection, and my mind is fried from a killer week of stress. Forget controlling my thoughts, they’re as powder-swirled and black as my t-shirt. There’s no more patience left for myself. I’ve given it all away...
Wedding bells echo, rings still carry their sheen, and picture frames grace the walls. It’s the making of a home. The promise of forever manifests in smells of fresh paint and dinners by candlelight. The honeymoon is but a memory, but the excitement of building a life remains. Exhilarating. Comfortable. Most couples never even see it coming.
Those who've experienced depression, anxiety, or other ailments understand the devastation these labels bring. “Anxiety” sounds like weakness. Maybe stressed-out is less threatening? We prefer exhausted to depressed and we’d rather describe ourselves as detail-oriented, instead of obsessive. The terms used in medicine sound impersonal, the exact opposite of the intimacy we long for in relationships.
God's in the business of miraculous healing, but He also charges us to be His “hands and feet..."
M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. Earns Crossfit participation trophies. Disaster cook. Enthusiastic wife. #Boymom. Clutches her faith, not her pearls.