Last week we discussed the struggle and biblical significance of separation and divorce. I received feedback from you in response - from questions, to gratitude for “going there.”
A friend's comment stayed with me throughout the week. “Oh good,” she'd said. “I’m glad you’re talking about that because I never know what to say when somebody tells me they’re having problems.”
It’s a common struggle, and none of us enjoy foot-in-the-mouth moments. So here are seven easy, helpful (and fairly safe) things to say or do as a friend or family member confronts divorce.
“We never say the ‘D’ word in our house,” the older woman informs me with pride. “We both know it’s not an option so we make it work. We’ve been married over thirty years now.”
As I listen, I’m obviously happy for her. I also wonder if she and her husband are “good fighters.” Does one partner always get his or her way? Does the other concede and stay secretly resentful? My therapist mind kicks into action, but I decide it’s none of my business to ask…maybe another time.
Greetings from the woods! As I type, I'm surrounded by sweeping pines strung with curtains of Spanish moss. It's hot and the evening showers that Florida is so well known for will be pressing in any moment. There's a lot to be said for travel. Whether we're meeting new people, or seeing things we've never laid eyes on before, there's much to discover outside the confines of home.
We don't know ourselves until we've stepped foot into the unknown. I resolutely believe that. It's there, in the new place, that every belief, preconception, and habit of ours is challenged. It's in the practice of patience, near death experiences, and waiting in line that faith is built. (Just ask my husband who drove an RV (towing a truck), wife, two kids, and a dog to the other side of twelve hours).
I posted some pictures just for fun and I've left you with a short story about our trip from Facebook below. Share some of your favorite 4th of July pics in the comments section. I can't wait to see them!
"Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we're unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather than a master storyteller." Donald Miller
Over the past week, I've followed #theysaid and #shereplied on Twitter. Maybe you've seen the trending conversations. Women all over the world poured out painful memories of people's comments about their bodies. They've also encouraged one another and shared personal realizations about worth for the benefit of everyone.
In my own life, I remember words as if they were spoken yesterday. Friends and family members were likely oblivious to the pain they caused, speaking from their own insecurity or cultural scripts. Few people purposefully seek to harm, but comments like these sear the memory...
I love talking to you face-to-face, so instead of the blog I'd planned for this week, here's an off-the-cuff response to some of the emails I've received lately. I'm glad that you reached out and I hope you'll be encouraged by the resources I'm passing along to you.
He poses in front of first base, guarded and alert, resembling a wrestler ready for a match instead of the pint-sized tee-baller he is. Just one sock and pant leg has managed to slouch its way down to his ankle. A baseball cap is perched low on his forehead, but it’s crooked—bending an ear ever so slightly toward the dirt. He’s like a mitt-wielding, “Little-Rascal,” and the sight of him could bring a lumberjack to happy tears.
It’s humid here in North Carolina, but none of the kids seem to mind. They scramble for grounders and sprint from base to base, indifferent to the dust plumes that rise each time a wind blast pushes over the field. They’re filthy. Determined. And like an unconscious reflex, each little boy checks the expressions on their loved ones’ faces after every single play.
My hands are ripped, there’s chalk smudged across my midsection, and my mind is fried from a killer week of stress. Forget controlling my thoughts, they’re as powder-swirled and black as my t-shirt. There’s no more patience left for myself. I’ve given it all away...
It's that time of year again! Does anybody remember little Ava? Does anybody HAVE a little Ava?
You're not alone...
Wedding bells echo, rings still carry their sheen, and picture frames grace the walls. It’s the making of a home. The promise of forever manifests in smells of fresh paint and dinners by candlelight. The honeymoon is but a memory, but the excitement of building a life remains. Exhilarating. Comfortable. Most couples never even see it coming.
Those who've experienced depression, anxiety, or other ailments understand the devastation these labels bring. “Anxiety” sounds like weakness. Maybe stressed-out is less threatening? We prefer exhausted to depressed and we’d rather describe ourselves as detail-oriented, instead of obsessive. The terms used in medicine sound impersonal, the exact opposite of the intimacy we long for in relationships.
God's in the business of miraculous healing, but He also charges us to be His “hands and feet..."
Believer. Wife. Mom. Writer. Marriage and Family Therapist. Accidental Speaker. Crossfitter and Total Book Nerd.
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PEOPLE I FOLLOW:
BECAUSE I LEARN:
BECAUSE I LAUGH:
Elizabeth Laing Thompson
Liz Curtis Higgs
BECAUSE I ADVOCATE:
Juli Slattery at Authentic Intimacy
BECAUSE I CRY (HAPPILY):
Inspiring Writing Groups:
Suzanne Eller's #LiveFreeThrusday
Holley Gerth's #CoffeeForYourHeart
Kelly Balarie's #RaraLinkup
Jennifer Duke Lee's #TellHisStory
Susan Mead's #DanceWithJesus